Guide To Getting a Job

My husband and I are having a bit of a mental breakdown these days. It wasn’t until we had a huge fight yesterday that we got to the root of the issue: Ron isn’t feeling like the provider, and I’m not feeling like the caretaker. If you had asked me a year and a half ago if I believed in gender roles, I would have said “not really.” Since the day my daughter was born though, my mind has been changed.

We graduated from college with our bachelor degrees a year and a half ago. Having trouble finding jobs, we agreed that whomever found a decent job first would work and the other would stay home with the baby when she came. Well, I found the job. Ever since then, I have felt like a failure and Ron has felt inadequate.

You see, I might bring home the bigger pay check, but it’s still not enough (Ron teaches art on the side and does carpentry work when it’s available). I’m also unable to maintain my home and be with my daughter all of the time which is what I really want to do. I’m trying at everything I do, but I’m not performing up to my standards (yes, perfection…I can’t help but to expect that I execute everything well!). Ron, on the other hand, has been beaten down by a year of applying, interviewing, and not being able to find a job paying more than $9.00/hour. How does this make him feel? Like he’s not good enough to be able to provide for his family.

I used to think we’d have no problem with this reversal of traditional roles, but alas, I was wrong. We really struggle with it. My heart is at home. His heart is in production–not cleaning or cooking. Until our situation changes though, this is where we’re at…just like a million other families right now who are struggling to find work and provide for their family!

So in case you’re also looking for a decent job, here’s my “how to get a job guide” based on the hours I’ve spent scouring job listings for my husband:

1) Get a degree in engineering, nursing, or information technology.
2) Learn to speak Japanese.

3) Look like you’re of a minority race…and female, if you can pull it off.

4) Live with mom and dad so that you can afford to have a part time job making $8.00/hour.

5) Give your family to someone else so that no one will mind if you work 60 hours a week and have a 2-hour commute both ways.

6) Learn to hack computers and the US mail system so that you can monopolize the applicant pool for a job–get rid of anyone else’s resume that looks like competition for you.

7) Send phony resumes and applications to the job along with your real one. Make the fake ones all look terrible so that yours stands out as being particularly superior.

8) Spy on the company and compile a list of applicant names and phone numbers. Use this information to call the company and let them know that each person has accepted a job elsewhere and is no longer interested in working for them. Except for you, who will have to now be offered the job by process of elimination.

9) Create your own job. Yeah, some of the most successful companies were born out of recession times. Like McDonald’s.

10) And if all else fails, make up some business cards that title you as “Professional Job Seeker” so you can at least enter to win those “free luncheon for you and your coworkers” contests at local restaurants. Hey, you never know!
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3 thoughts on “Guide To Getting a Job

  1. You took the words right out of my mouth! I'm in exactly the same situation right now, where I have the full time job and my boyfriend stays home with our 5 month old. I would give anything to stay with my baby full time and my boyfriend would love to provide for us with a full time job! Your 10 ways to get a job are hilarious. It would be easier to get a job by following those than the traditional methods right now, that's for sure!

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  2. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah Rachel. You and I seem to be dealing with some of the same issues right now. Well, as usual, really. I am the bread-winner while Josh is in school. Technically, I am the bread-winner until Josh can graduate AND get a good job. That could be forever. Seriously. One of the main issues right now: it's the slow season, and my job is awful. No money. Truly, I've made $17 this week. It's nuts. That makes me feel like such an incredible failure. Not only am I not the SAHM I've always wanted to be, but I am also not succeeding at making the money necessary to pay my family's bills, no matter how I try. It has a lot to do with my unhealthy state of mind these days. But what can I do? What can Josh do? Nothing. Seriously, we're doing all we can, and trusting in God to do the rest. He always, always, ALWAYS provides, but I despise the nail-biting that occurs when He says, “Wait. Just trust me.”
    *hugs*

    Like

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